This is in response to 20 things wrong with black women. What about the brothers on the down low, don't reach back, hating and intimidated by sisters, not so perfect big boys, looking for halle Berry, with 5 kids, taking advice from hating friends and family, who love white women, or are married, with a criminal record, or are educated and wealthy who think they're above all women?

You're on the right track; but there are other reasons why Black men are so dissatified with us and themselves, even if they're afraid to admit it. This is going to be a bit long winded, so please, hear me out. It's called self-hatred. On the whole, I believe that most of our men just don't give a **** about the Black woman anymore. I live in New York and I'm tired of witnessing well-appointed Black men canoodling openly with White women. Brothers of all shades will at first look at me, and then right through me, while risking whiplash to look at a White, Hispanic or 'other' women passing by. There's nothing wrong with me. I'm an attractive, highly educated, well-spoken Black woman. I'm a director at a City agency and make $70,000.00 a year and have my own house. I've been left to wonder, should I cut off my locks? Straighten my hair or wear a weave? Or is it that I'm just too chocolate for some brother's? just check out the music videos. More and more brothers are exiling Black women from their lives and replacing them with White or 'other than' women...other than Black that is; such as: Hispanic, Asian or Indian women. How come I don't see White men publicly and shamelessly chasing down Black women like the brothers are doing with White women? And pleeeeze don't mention old ass Robert De Niro...is he the only White man who sees the beauty in Black women since the brothers are obviously blind? My angst stems from knowing that as attractive I know that I am, I feel unattractive and not good enough whenever I see an attractive Black man walking down the street, arm-in-arm with a White woman, and have the nerve to have a smug look on his face! And this feeling is constantly being re-affirmed by society and echoed in White-owned magazines and television. Rarely do you see positive affirmations in regards to the Black woman no matter how beautiful they are, unless if you have crossover appeal like: Jennifer Beals, Vanessa Williams, Halle Berry, Alicia Keys, Beyonce or Mariah Carey. And confused Black men are consciously and sub-consciously perpetuating the myth of White women as the image of beauty and that White skin is better than dark skin. From the time Black men are born, most are bombarded and fed untruths about light skin, good hair, and 'marrying up', that has lend itself to a destructive value system which has influenced the way that they think and feel about Black women. Rarely do you see a White man leaving his White wife for a Black woman; but brothers have left long-termed relationships with their Black wives or girlfriends for White women. And because of this, Black women had to develop positive attitudes, self-determination and strength. How can brothers adopt attitudes that our former masters had fed us for the sole purpose of dividing us and therefore keeping us fighting with, disliking and distrusting each other? Here we are, thirteen generations from one of the most heinous and inhumane systems of slavery ever erected in history and Black men, whose ancestors were shackled together with mine, reject me and other Black women who look like me; all because we're not eurocentric looking enough. And I'm tired of hearing the same old excuses from the brothers, that Black women are: too bossy, nosy, always cussing them out while snapping their necks back and forth! But my favorite excuse? We're too materialistic and that White women are docile, sweet, caring, have more class than us and not materialistic. Pleeeze!! If some of these affluent brothers didn't have a dime, White women wouldn't be running after their asses either! So let's be fair, Black women want the same thing White women have been getting for centuries due to the sense of entitlement that was erected for them; so stop castigating us as gold diggers! I want a Black man who is loving, who loves Black women and the idea of being with a Black woman. But more importantly, who loves himself instead of self hating. That when he looks at himself in the mirror, he sees the images of his ancestors stamped upon his face. But alas, at the end of the day, my brothers will do exactly whatever pleases them. I say this all to say, go' head my brothers, do you! Have your White, Asian, whatever non-Black woman. But I further say this, the minute you mess up, and a lot of you do mess up, White people will always be right there to remind you that you're just a Black man in White America and that they're running things. And further, they're unforgiving and they'll always try to hust you professionally and financially...just ask Brother O.J. Simpson, Michael Jackson and Kobe Bryant, just to name a few. Whew!!!

I agree with alot of what you said. To the question of crossover beauty "Jennifer Beals, Vanessa Williams, Halle Berry, Alicia Keys, Beyonce or Mariah Carey." All of these women with the exception of Beyonce, is of mix hertiage. And in the back of the question lies another question.. where are the darker sisters with the non-dyed hair?

The question of what is wrong with our brothers is an age old one that will not be answered here... My disclaimer is that I love my brothers...even the ignorant ones who condemn the sisters for "not needing them". I always remember the comment that Morris Chestnut's character made in "The Best Man" about Nia Long's character.. "She is one step away from Lesbian. She doesnt need a man." this was based on the fact that she was ambitious and made her own money. Now that is sad.. and the fact that I have heard it alot is even sadder. Wouldnt it be better to have someone who WANTED you but didnt NEED you.. because need can turn into desperation. I had a brother like that who NEEDED to be NEEDED and since I didnt he would get angry. I have had brothers tell me that other races of women appreciate them more than black women do... but the question remains "do they (brothers) appreciate themselves?" You are not the man because you bring home 7 figures or your car is nice.. you are the man if you can loss all that and still keep your head held high.

Stong black women should not apologize for making it. They have held the black family together for centuries and are tired but they continue. And then to have the sons, grandsons, nephews and friends of the family that they raised get on national television and condemn them (as a whole) is hurtful. (shouts out to Wesley Snipes, Dennis Rodman, Charles Barkley, etc).


I do not condemn interracial relationships.. I have problems with white women who beleive they understand what is to be black because they sleep with a black man.. or that brother who believes he has "made it" because a white women gives him the time of day. Also that brother who dates white women but has a problem when a sister dates a white man. (shouts out to Robert Deniro, Chris Noth, David Bowie, etc).

If you are proud of your hertiage and so is your partner and your union is based on love not color then I have no problem with you (shouts out to Sidney Poiter, James Earl Jones, etc.) As long as you remember where you came from and who you are then I have no problem...

But the question remains... "do you know who you are or are you who society wants you to be?....

Kesha, you are looking at it the wrong way, ok I used to get pixxed off seeing all the nice bros with white women, my own brother included when I faced him out he said" I can pick up a white women married or single and be screwing her 10mins later, a phone call will at any time allow me full sex without any problems, But I would never marry a white women as far as he is concerned that are just for easy sex something that most black women will not allow.